Having said that, Frank will be the first to tell you that there aren't many challenges that cross his path that he won't tackle. Whether it be a technical problem with a project at the office, some issue that needs an approach toward resolution, or maybe some glitch with a computer program that is driving him crazy. Sometimes, his approach proves to be not the best, and he ends up having to back up and come at the problem from a different angle. The backup and regrouping process is frustrating at best, and recognizing when to admit what he's doing is not working proves just as frustrating as the actual backing up and starting over.
Such is the case with a particular change in Frank's life that has occurred over the past few months. A major change to say the least, but one that should have been able to be incorporated into the everyday routine with a nominal amount of effort. However, this particular change became all-consuming to Frank. One of his friends referred to his attitude as "hyper-focused." That may be a stretch, but it does describe to a degree how consuming this issue is for Frank. Emotionally, the pending change caused Frank's behavior to change dramatically. As the change took place, Frank's behavior continued to change, his focus not where it should be, his get up and go had got up and went. All these changes were to such a degree, that those around Frank became concerned enough to try and help him "snap out of it." But, there was only one person that could recall Frank to his old self, and that was Frank...or so he thought.
Frank has always been of the opinion that life only gives you what you can bear. It's covered in Scripture:
1 Corinthians 10:13
There hath no temptation
taken you but such as is common
to man: but God is faithful, who
will not suffer you to be tempted
above that ye are able; but will
with the temptation also make a
way to escape, that ye may be able
to bear it.
To Frank, that meant that whatever comes his way, he should be able to bear the burden and carry on. If it was an emotional burden, he should be able to weather the storm. If it was a financial burden, he should be able to come up with the funds to keep him and his family on solid ground. If it was a physical challenge, he should have the strength to overcome. And, to most situations, this belief was enough. He could somehow, someway find a solution with the resources at hand.
But this was different. There did not appear to be a solution. There was no silver bullet to make the emotions Frank was feeling go away. He spoke with trusted friends, colleagues, but no one could offer any more than, "You'll get over it," or "give it some time," or "we've all been through it." That wasn't good enough! Frank wanted an answer, a solution, and it wasn't coming to him in the usual forms. Google was no help. A pill to deaden the feelings was not the answer Frank wanted. Talking to a total stranger was not an option. Frank started down a quick path to a very lonely place. As long as things were like they used to be, he was on top of the world...but when the change came, he went to a place he did not like. Frank had to find a way out, and, in his mind, only he could do this...alone.
But, signs were beginning to appear that were telling Frank there was a way out of the dark place he had entered. A way he had not considered. As Frank sat in church on an early September Sunday, the following phrases came out during the weekly sermon...
"Those who seek their peace from Him will not be rocked by the storms of change, but held secure in the anchor of His grace,"
and
"The Psalmist directs us not to the therapist who hears us talk or the doctor with the ever ready prescription pad but to the Lord. Ours is a God of hope. Not the pie in the sky kind of hope but real hope. Not a distant hope which will be yours someday but today's hope amid today's problems, challenges, and issues."
As he entered the lowest of the lows, a team member suggested he go talk to a therapist. Frank's reply was not "no," but "no way!" This team member in her own way said something that struck another nerve.
(Paraphrased) "OK, you have two choices. You either go to a therapist and put the problem in their hands, or you put the problem in God's hands. Either way, you have to give it away."
So, he left the office early, and started driving. This was Frank's "go to method" for problem solving. As long as he had gas in a running vehicle, he could generally come up with options. He had not had lunch that day, so, he had a purpose. After a stop at a fast food drive thru, he drove some more, and found himself at his church. He remembers thinking, "This is odd. This is Monday and I don't have any meetings here." But into the church he went, reasoning that he was there now, just as soon check and make sure there's nothing pressing he needs to know about.
As he was walking through the church, having had two emotional conversations with two members of the church staff, he found himself alone outside the sanctuary. It was dark in there. However, he felt drawn to have a seat in his familiar pew, and just collect his thoughts. The words of the sermon from a week earlier kept coming back. The direction provided by his team member continued to strike a nerve..."either way, you have to give it away."
As he sat there, in the dark, looking toward the altar, he found a certain peace. A calmness so to speak from the emotional turmoil he had been experiencing. Nothing profound, nothing earth-shattering, but just a calmness. Then the questions started again. "How was he going to overcome this?" "How could he find his way back to where he needed to be?" "Could he even come back?" "Would he ever be happy again?" All questions that had been plaguing him for much too long. But then, another question came in..."Why was he so calm?
As he made his way home from church, these questions kept repeating themselves over and over again. "Did he need professional help?" "Had he slipped a gear?" All questions that had no answers.
He picked up some items for dinner, called a client, and made his way home. Tammy had spent the day at the zoo with Kendall, so she was pretty much wiped out. He prepared dinner, and settled in for a quiet evening of TV and football.
Shortly after dinner, a lifelong friend called Frank to finish a conversation from earlier that day. They talked about the events of the day, the woes of work and just general guy stuff. Before long the conversation turned back to the issue that Frank was facing, and they talked about it for quite a while. Frank remembers telling his friend, "I've got to figure out a way to fix this...and I DON'T KNOW HOW!" Frank was angry, truly and genuinely angry. This friend and Frank share a certain bond that allows them to let their guards down, to express those inner-most feelings to each other, and the time for niceties has passed in this instance and Frank needed answers and he needed them now!
The voice on the other end of the phone grew silent. Frank's initial thought was, "Great! Now I've made him mad!" But just as he was about to start an apology, he heard, "Frank, it's just this simple. It doesn't have to be any great oratory, just a quick, simple prayer. Something like, 'Lord, thank you for all the blessings, but I'm really struggling with this thing, and I could use a little help here.' That's all it will take. Frank, go back to the basics. Go to what you know will work. That's where you're going to find your answer."
Now, you've got to know this friend. Frank and he have known each other for the better part of 38 years. He and Frank are alot alike, but different. Neither of them not too terribly religious, but, again, having their faith and knowing where their values lie. In fact, out of all the conversations the two have had over the years, Frank could never remember a time when they had had a pointed conversation about religion or faith. Especially like this.
They chit chatted a little more, and as both had suffered through a long day, and the rest of the week wasn't shaping up to be a breeze, they said their good-byes and Frank returned to the TV he was watching. After rocking Kendall and putting her to bed, he got a shower and said good night to Tammy, calling it an early day. Before giving in to sleep, phrases kept running through his mind, "that you may be able to bear it," "not a distant hope but today's hope in the midst of problems, challenges and issues," "either way, you have to give it away," "Frank, go to what you know will work..that's where you're going to find your answer."
This morning, Frank's alarm went off an hour and a half early. He had set it for 5:00 instead of 6:30, something that he didn't normally do. After hitting the snooze and waiting the mandatory 10 minutes, he decided to get up and go to the gym. He reasoned, "Some time on the treadmill and the Nautilus will probably do me some good." As he sat in the truck after cranking the ignition, the song "Jesus, take the wheel" was on the radio.
Frank's mind was spinning. "Enough already! I get it. I need to quit trying to solve this on my own!" even though every fiber of his being continued to tell him he could handle this on his own. He didn't need any help. But, the more he sat there in the darkness, the more he realized that maybe, just maybe, he was wrong. As he backed out of the driveway and started the journey to the gym, clearness began. Just as his headlights brightened the road in front of him, the more the words he had been hearing showed him the path out of the painful place he had entered.
When he arrived at the gym, there was only one other vehicle in the parking lot. He sat in his truck for a few minutes, and in a silent prayer, gave away the problem. "It's not mine anymore. Lord, it's all yours. I can't handle this one, it's above my paygrade. Take it from me and help me find some peace."
And that was it. As he spent the next 30 minutes on the treadmill, the sweat dripped from his forehead onto the console of the machine. The more he sweated, the better he felt. It was as if the emotions of the problem were in those beads of sweat. He spent another 30 minutes on the Nautilus machines, then headed for the showers. As the water washed the remaining perspiration from his body, he looked down and felt as though the depressing emotions he had been experiencing were going down the drain.
Does this mean the emotions are gone? Probably not. Does this mean the sadness of the change will never rear its ugly head again? Probably not. Does this mean that Frank is back to 100% of his old self? No, not yet. But just as those headlights lighted the road on the way to the gym, Frank has a way out of the depths of those dark emotions. And, you can rest assured, he will keep on driving.
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