Change - like it or not, it's going to happen

Frank has been pondering on something for the past few weeks that has really hit home in several ways through the events that had occurred with the coming and going of graduation season.  Someone named Arnold Bennett is quoted as saying, "Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."  Arnold Bennett was an English novelists who lived around the turn of the 20th century. Frank came across this quote and it definitely struck a nerve.

On Friday, May 24th, Frank, Tammy and Kendall, along with family and friends, watched with pride as their oldest, Allison, graduated with honors from high school.  For the past seventeen + years, they have prepared and awaited this moment, but as the event became "real" in late April, Frank found himself experiencing a great deal of mixed emotion as the days ticked closer.  Let there be no doubt, Frank is immensely proud of Allison and her accomplishments.  She has met the challenges put before her and has excelled.  She has grown into a beautiful young lady and is now set to spread her wings and soar into the future.

The road before Allison, like all of us who have started down this road, is somewhat unclear.  She really doesn't have a firm college major in mind, but has been accepted to a wonderful, small college in East Tennessee.  She will, without a doubt, thrive and grow. Frank, Tammy and Allison visited Maryville in June to finalize plans for Allison's transition in August.  There was information shared, some realities unveiled; schedules tentatively put in place. The ride back home was somewhat quiet, as all three of them digested the volumes of information they had received.

Leading up to graduation, Frank was somewhat emotional, but did his best to hide it from Allison.  Whatever happens, he wanted her to make her future plans BASED ON HER, and not on anyone else, including him. Allison has always been very compassionate, and if she were to know how much it hurt her dad that she was going to be leaving and moving away to college, Frank feared she would change her plans.  That is the last thing he wants.

A big hurdle for Frank was making it through the weeks between prom and graduation.  Prom night was very difficult in that Frank watched as his little girl presented herself on the stairs of their home as a lady, a beautiful young lady.  Later, he had to order her computer and printer for her graduation gift.  He had to pay the deposit on her dorm room.  He had to prepare the slideshow for her graduation party by sifting through volumes of pictures taken over the past seventeen years. It was all becoming way too real.

His little girl had grown up.  She was soon to be leaving home and testing her toes in the waters of adult life. He and Tammy weren't going to be there to to pull her back from the water's edge when a shark or alligator lay just a few feet off shore.  They weren't going to be there to make sure she got up in time to eat breakfast before class.  They weren't going to be there to encourage her to go to bed the night before a big test. They can only hope that when she runs into problems or questions, she won't be too proud to pick up the phone and call.

Since graduation, Frank and Allison have shared a great deal of time together.  Some might even say, if its possible, too much.  There have been long conversations about college and decision-making and time-management and planning and relationships;  there have been father/daughter meals and shopping sprees; Frank has seen Allison, in a very adult-like way, take on some projects and has done very well with. They have ridden roller coasters both emotionally and literally, but at the end of the day, everything is going to be alright.  He has tried to impart in some small way the wisdom learned from the experiences he has had.  And, at the same time, Allison taught Frank.  She taught him that she is more than capable of handling whatever life throws at her.

Over the next four years, Frank anticipates that he and Tammy will watch this marvel of life they cherish so much grow, mature, and yes, even stumble.  It will be hard for them to not rush in and make "everything alright."  That has been their modus operandi for the past seventeen-plus years.  They have to resist that urge, and it's going to be hard, and instead encourage their daughter to handle life's challenges on their own. At the same time, they have to convey to her that they have built a safety net for her, a soft landing spot, if and when she needs it.

Over the next month or so, this transition will kick into high gear.  There will be more shopping and packing, a series of "goodbyes," culminating in the final loading up and moving her into her dorm to begin her college experience.  Yes, that weekend will be difficult, there's no doubt about it.  But survive it they will and Frank, Tammy, Allison and Kendall will get on with the getting on of life.  Although different, they will still share the love of the family they have built.  They will all know that each other is only a phone call, or a text message, or a skype call away.  If need be that little college in East Tennessee is only a 3 1/2 hour drive.  Frank suspects, that if need be, he could probably make it in 3.

So, if you happen to run into these family members over the next couple of months, a smile will be more than welcome; maybe a solid, "Hi, how are you, ___________," will go a long way.  And if you see a presence of a watery eye, please don't take it personally...just know that change is taking place.  and, as Arnold Bennett put it, there's just going to be some discomfort along with it.