A thought on conflicts

Frank starting thinking about the concept of grudges this morning. He had a little more time, and even though he and Allison didn't get to walk this morning, things were alot smoother than in recent mornings.

Many people spend a great deal of time, energy and resources harboring grudges about incidents that happened many years ago, sometimes decades. Without getting too detailed, Frank knows of several of these types of relationships. One he can remember vividly involved money, and the close relationship that once was, is now demolished...all for the sake of money. Now, one party would contend that it wasn't the amount of money, but the fact that a trust was broken; the other party would contend that the accusation was false. Both parties dug in their heels pretty deeply, and the relationship has suffered in excess of 25 years. As the two approach the twilight of their years, it has become apparent the two will never rekindle the closeness they once had.

Sad.


Another situation that Frank was involved in a number of years ago revolved around a dispute and the way Frank handled it. Looking back, the way Frank handled it was wrong and probably lead to more hurt feelings than the underlying situation itself. That grudge lasted for about 4 years, and fortunately, reconcilement was forthcoming and Frank and the other party are the best of friends today.

That's good.


Now Frank is involved in another situation, one that will, at least for the foreseeable future, result in another friendship or two being lost. And, this time, there's really nothing that Frank can do to resolve the situation...he has done what he can, but the other party feels wronged, and there's nothing Frank can do to change that. Frank has wracked his mind trying to figure out a way to mend the broken fences (more like the fence around a property after being hit by an 18-wheeler full of logs!), a way to see the other party's side of the situation, a way to reconcile. But no fixes, either quick or complicated are forthcoming.


Even if Frank apologized to the other party, it would not be sincere, and Frank knows that. Frank truly believes he used every weapon in his arsenal to support this person, only to become a victim of this person himself. There have been many things said, many things left unsaid, that hinder the process of healing this situation. To say that Frank and others have lost many sleepless nights over this situation, would be an understatement. To say that wounds have occurred that will take many, many years to heal would be very accurate.

Sad.

The only thing left to do is move on from the situation. A situation that has been consuming an increasing amount of emotional, physical and time resources for the better part of two years. The hard part is, in the words of Kenny Rogers, "you have to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold, know when to walk away, know when to run." It is so difficult for Frank to give up on a situation, he hates to quit on someone or something that he supported so ardently in the past. But, Frank knows, its time to fold and walk away. But, walk away with his head held up; walk away with the sincere belief that he did all he could, was supportive as far as he could be, and there's nothing left to be said or done that will change the relationship back to the way it was.

Maybe time will heal the wound and the scar won't be too conspicuous, but, let there be no doubt, a scar will exists on the minds and souls of all those involved.